Miserable

Summer.
Something that I'm suppose to be enjoying. The sun is shining more then I've ever seen it before. The heat is definitely rising and the boats are sailing. But here I am. Lonely. Quiet. Missing everything. My life is no longer in the Sunshine State but more so where my heart is.

It's all about the coffee

The other day I was doing my Coms 220 project when I got this urge in the bottom of my throat for something satisfying. Something that would get my blood going. I knew just the thing, Starbucks.
At first, I thought Starbucks was a cute place to get a good cup-of-joe but as I got older, Starbucks became more than just coffee, it became a lifestyle. I decided to look into this company more just to find out what they really were about. Come to find, Starbucks is greatly concerned with our environment. I've always known about these "tree hugging" people but I did not know they had organizations for them. As I pryed my way deeper into the Starbucks world, I found that Starbucks and the Conservation International teamed up to ensure that earth day was everything that it stood for. They made sure that the rain forest in Mexico were protected. Isn't that just touching?
I also found a blog that another blogger had created that talked about the founder of Starbucks Coffee, Howard Schultz. If it weren't for this man, Starbucks would still be a thought on paper. This man is a legend or at least I think he is.
Well, with every great product, there has to be a great advertisement to grab one's attention. As I searched YouTube for something interesting I came across an advertisement for Starbucks that definitely caught my eye. This commercial not only leaves you wanting a Starbucks espresso drink but also makes me want to have my own band following me everywhere. My life would be a whole theme song. How charming.
I feel after looking into the wonderful world of Starbucks, my cup-o-joe will never be the same.

Wishful thinking.

Sometimes, I wish I hadn't gotten myself into this. I didn't know dating him meant dating his band also. Don't get me wrong I love the kid to death but the drama that comes with it, to me could not be worth it. My business is their business and their business is my business. Everyone fights and if it's not one thing it's another. Girlfriends bring out their claws and band mates open their mouths. Such is life right? When life gives you lemons right? But I didn't know it was going to be this bad. Sometimes I wish you weren't in a band either.

That dance.

Dear man at the masquerade ball,

Sometimes I wonder what you were thinking. Did you really think your pointless words would not hurt? I wish you could have seen the pain in the child's eyes. She doesn't cry but she hurts. It's not that you didn't feel for her but you certainly weren't thinking. Though the ball seemed elegant and enticing at the the time, it now is the past and remains old. The glass slipper that once fit is now on the self for safe keeping. The mask with glitter and wonder is in a box with your name on it. I hope you enjoyed the masquerade ball, I'm sure you've never felt more yourself then before. But now it's time to wake up and realize a dance can throw your whole life off course. Maybe just for a little bit. I hope you find strength yourself. The child will learn.

Sincerely,
That which wonders.

Blame it....

It goes up, it goes down. It's never constant. One minute I'm on top of the world, the next I'm as low as the worm in the dirt. He makes me the happiest yet makes me the saddest. I get worried and excited. I never know what kind of day it's going to be. I'm thankful when my head hits the pillow and all is calm. He's the reason why I smile and the reason why I cry. I want to blame it on the weather. No, I'll blame it on the month.

The Hills: It's a love / hate thing

It’s 7:30 a.m. on a Monday and I have to unwillingly get out of bed. Just hearing my alarm go off puts me in a bad mood but then I realize what is on tonight, The Hills. Maybe it’s an addiction, craving, or obsession but call it what you will, it’s still drama and not mine. I’m not sure why The Hills is so addicting but my friends and I shut off all communication to society at 10:30 p.m.
The Hills When the theme song comes up, I just can’t help but sing along. Maybe it’s the beach and palm trees that hook me in or maybe just the hot boys in bathing suits. Whatever the answer is, The Hills will make any Monday a good one.

Remember in season one and two, Jason Whaler? Yeah, the jerk that dated Lauren and then cheated on her with Jessica. Well, I just found out that he’s going to be starting his own reality TV show. Jason Whaler Not exactly sure how that will turn out but I personally think it will be a dud. Unless they have Lauren make a guest appearance, who wants to see the ex con make his life without her? He was the schmuck that no one liked. Jason was the reason that me and my room mates would yell at the TV.

But wait! There’s rumor that Brody Jenner, Lauren’s resent heartbreak, will have his own reality show also. Brody Jenner What is this? Let’s make spin off’s of Lauren’s entire ex posse? Seriously, who wants to watch what life is like without Lauren? She’s the one that started The Hills or at least is the star of it. Why would we need to make more little shows for these blockheads?

Speaking of blockheads. Heidi Montag all of sudden decided to make her mark on politics. Heidi Montag Supposedly it’s a big deal but who can take someone who films their own music video seriously? "Higher" video She’s very proud of her accomplishment but I think she’s done a lot of harm to our society. Thank you Heidi for taking us “Higher”.

Thanks for the inspiration

Fake. It's all fake, your smile, your laughter. You can't say it's not because you even say so yourself. Every year it's the same old heartbreak and immaturity. One would think you'd grow up by now. Life is full of masks. Ones with the smiles and smirks. But your different. Your retro. You paint your mask to be different, to stand out from the crowd, to draw attention. Babe, have you looked in the mirror lately? It looks like you've caked on your make-up way to much. Your eyes are popping out of your head and your face is paler then a person on their death bed. I wouldn't take that as a compliment. Say your stories, write your poetry, but it's still all fiction. With your mask you have an innocent heart but behind your face paint is the same lost girl who blames everyone for her problems and failures. Girl you need God. Actually read the Bible and understand it. Don't pick it apart and keep what sounds good. Take the bad with the good. Take it all in. Maybe it's time you really took off your mask and washed your face. Stop letting people control your emotions. Gain control of yourself before pointing a finger in the other direction. Being different means finding yourself and not being something that everyone wants you to be. Your choice, take off the paint or endlessly be fake.

In my wallet

I find it kind of difficult to understand the concept of money. I was told that money is the root of all evil, 1 Timothy 6:10. However, our worlds economy is based on money. To live comfortably, a person must have money to provide for themselves and their family. Food, clothing, cars, a roof over your head, all comes with a price. Most of my stress is from not having enough money to go out and have an ice cream cone. I figure I'm only 20 so it's understandable that I don't have money but does everyone start off broke? Why can't money just grow on trees?
Wouldn't that be a site to see.

"Hey mom I'm going to the store to get a soda."
"Ok, but only take two leaves. We haven't watered the tree in a couple days and the leafs are starting to turn brown."

Everything comes with a dollar sign in front of it. Without money living would be uncomfortable. Seriously, what do most people live on earth for? To get a good education, to get a good job, to get the big bucks to get that red car that sparkles in the sunlight.

Life isn't all about money but if you really think about it, it is. You can't have a ministry without money. You can't start a church without money. You can't feed the poor without money. You can't farm with out money. You can't go to church without a car which cost money because you need gas. You could ride a bike to church, but that bike cost money.
EVERYTHING revolves around money. It's whether or not you worship your money that defines your life.

Don't take this personal

I'll start you from the beginning. When this was all just amusing to me. I never had the intentions of falling in love or being loved. I guess you could say it's another tale about a girl who gets her heart broken to many times but I like to think of it as a different type of romance. A romance that never gave up on something that was there.
It was a fling, I guess you could say. Little giggles and intriguing conversation. I guarded my heart to the point where I began to believe that this whole thing was just a joke, a game. Until that one day when he opened his mouth and said, "I think we could be more."
Those dreaded words were the last thing I wanted to hear. However, being a girl, I went along with it. A joyride I called it. I began to trust him and see all the good that could only come out of it. I was blinded. Love is blind, cliche as it sounds but so true.
As we developed a deeper relationship, I became wrapped up in his corky style. The things he would do that I knew no one else had the balls to do. He was definitely a guy who appreciated the small attributes. How could such an amazing guy be infatuated with a girl like me?
Love was blind.
The days kept passing and the amour we had started to fade. I thought it was me. I thought great heres that part in the movie where the girl blames herself for losing the boy of her dreams. Come to find, it was a mess of things. I was not to blame. He begged for my forgiveness and deep inside my intentions were to call the whole thing off. To forgive him but forget him. But I couldn't. I could not bring myself to just let him go. I wanted to find the once good things I saw in him back out. This is probably the part of my story where I say life is short so moving on would probably be the best thing for me. There are plenty of fish in the sea. What else can I say except love is blind.

Losing myself in you.

It's finally starting to feel like spring. I love the winter but after a while you just long for those long sunny days and flip flops. After a while of complaining, Ryan finally got me to go skating with him yesterday. I forgot how it feels to be on a board. It's kind of like life. It's speeding by so fast whether I want it to or not.
I'm getting older and I feel that though my parents don't want me to do something, I have ever right to do it. I have so many decisions coming up and I can't help but stress out. Don't get me wrong my friends have the same problems but you got to take it one step at a time. One day at a time.
It's come to the point where I want to depend on people and I want to settle down. I need to be more independent and do what I need to do. Life has gotten so complicated this past year and a lot more stressful. The only thing that really gets me through each day are my friends and that boy.
I'm sure everything will work out in due time but until then I need to keep my head up. Keep my spirit up and help those who need the help.

Appreciated.

One thing I think we take for granted: Toilets.
Seriously though, some countries don't have the luxuries of having a place to put their "business".

On a lighter note, me and Stephie decided to take a trip to Roanoke to get her phone fixed. We windowed shopped while there also. It basically was us practicing our singing the whole time. She's the best.

I also realized today that I'm getting over him. Is that good? I don't know. I'm still blah about everything too.

Long nights; Early mornings

When I woke up today, I thought life was hell. There are days when I open my eyes to the sunlight coming through the window and all I wish for is darkness again. This has been the roughest week I have ever experienced and I know I'm not the only one who's having a rough week. It's just heartache after deception after bad news over and over again. Where does it end?

Today, I took the time with Jared Brown to sit on the side of a mountain (more like a hill) and stare at the sun. He wasn't enjoying the sun in his eyes but I kind of found it quite pleasant. A ball of flames just beating down on you but you don't fry. With the smell of the rot in the distance how could you not just take it all in?

I want to be carefree again. To wake up and not wash my face because I feel the pimples forming cause of all the stress. (Gross I know). For once I want to listen to a song about heartache and heartbreaks and not relate to it. I want to smile because I find something funny or delightful. I want ambition in my life.

For now, I'll just watch the sunset and realize this is life. Life is hard. Life was never easy. I am strong even when I don't want to be. There is nothing that I can't handle.

Calendar days.

Today, I lived. I cried. I laughed. I ran. I skipped. I felt hopeless. I felt loved. I felt betrayed and angry. I was merciful. I was forgiving. I was stressed. I was worried. I was disppointed. I prayed, ate, and talked.
Today, I realized how weak I am yet how strong my character is. I was tripped but I got back up. I lost my smile but I hope to find it. God knows my heart and though my heart aches I will breathe. I wanted to sing today but the only thing that came out of my mouth was dry air. I am willing to shed my tears in order for you to understand my pain.
Today, I am going to be loving. I will show love like God has showed me. I am his princess.

Tomorrow, is a new day. New sunrise. New emotions. New actions. New love. New sunset.

Bush is my homeboy

YAY, so i'm going to be back on this thing for good now. I have my username and password posted on my wall so that way I can ALWAYS remember it.
Exciting news! I am playing soccer this semester! Just found out today that I was. I haven't played in about 2 years so we'll see how that goes. First practice is tomorrow and our first game is on Thursday. I'm not going to lie, I'm quite nervous. Anywho, it should be a lot of fun.
I have been really stressed out lately and I think getting back into writing is going to help me a lot.
Well, beauty rest is in order!


Quote of the day: Armageddon's coming, the sum of all your fears. - With Blood Comes Cleansing